Lame-oh Kablame-oh

Thank you for making my day.

It is 8:48 a.m. and I am interrupted at work. When this person comes to you because you made a mistake, she makes sure you know how stupid you look.
Yesterday I sent her an e-mail with a mistake on a file. I typed 1967 instead of 1961. EVERYTHING else was correct and if you went to match it up on the computer it is clear as day what I mean. Instead of her coming over and saying "Hey Amanda, I think you typed the wrong number is this what you meant?" She will come over with all of the file and the e-mail and sit and treat it like the biggest mystery in the world. Like so big that you almost need Scooby and the gang to solve the mystery.
If you know what you did and show her, she will drag it on and ask 43 questions so you know that it took her an extra 32 seconds to double check your little mistake. Then she will stand there and make you feel like an effing moron so she can feel better about herself.

NEXT: she goes to the boss. WHY the hell do you need to go tell her that I put a 7 instead of a 1 and it took you foreverrrrrrrrr to figure it out because "I don't know what I'm doing". Now it looks like I don't know how to do my job and I have to have weekly meetings to make sure I'm doing the right things. EFF THAT.

This is the second time I've gotten talked to because she told on me for a mistake that is either completely out of my hands or something as easy as writing the wrong number by accident FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Maybe I'll come in on Monday and she will have quit. ...I can only hope.. like I do every other day.

Poor Quality Original.

I heard a great story last night and I would love to share it! A homeless man in Florida walked into a pet store and decided he wanted a ferret. He had a brilliant idea as to how to get it out of the store. He put it down his pants. The 17 year old boy working saw him and followed the man into the parking lot and confronted him about it and the man threw the ferret into the boys face and it bit the boy. Now the homeless man is being charge with having a "special weapon".

The best part? The kid got the ferret in the face after it had been down a homeless mans pants. That is not a situation I would like to experience. Anything that has to do with a homeless mans crotch is outside my comfort zone. I'm also surprised that it was not outside of the ferret's comfort zone causing a bite in a place no one should be bitten. Maybe the ferret thought he was amongst friends since it probably smelt the same as his nasty cage.

Push it up to 10 and crank it...

I really wish I had a bitchin stereo in my car. If you know me, you know I like my music as loud as it will go. It just sounds good. Plus if I get enough bass I think I could make my car bounce (how cool would I be?!). But until I can afford that, I listen to my lame cracking speakers on max.. At least I know what the songs are supposed to sound like!

OH! I learnt a trick that I would like to share. From now on, when you get on a jam packed bus or train or something start coughing uncontrollably. People look at you like you just released toxic gas into the air and they all shift awkwardly and start to "inconspicuously" cover their mouths and everything! You might even get 2 feet on every side of you while the rest of the train/bus is impossibly packed. It's great!
...I laugh, but I do the inconspicuous mouth cover and awkward shift too when people start germafying the area I'm stuck in. At that moment I just wish I could take a bath in boiling hot alcohol based sanitizer. BUT unlike most people I don't automatically think H1N1, it's just all around gross to me. I'm not paranoid, I just don't like being sick.

Being sick makes me feel tenebrous. Hmm don't know tenebrous means? Let me tell you! Because it's the word of the day!
Tenebrous:
Dark; gloomy

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

Why is it "older" people find the most boring topics (if you can even call them topics) interesting? I just listened to 2 people have a 20 minute conversation about dinner plates. How does that happen?
Boy did I want to stab my ears so I couldn't hear anything. Silence is a whole lot more interesting.
Best part tho... After annoying me with that conversation they followed it up with a conversation about H1N1. (You didn't think I could write a whole thing and not bring it up, right?).
So let's recap so far: It is now 8:31 and I already want to throw down this morning. Not a good start to my day.

This morning as I was shuffling to let people off the ridiculously packed train my bag fell from my shoulder to my arm. In the hand attached to this arm I was holding my tea. I leave my tea open so it's cooled off when I get to work right away. I pretty much threw my hot tea in a girls face because of the falling bag. - If there is anything I learnt from working at Timmy's it's that scaulding hot liquids dumped on your body wake you up better than actually drinking them! I was thankful that she was very forgiving so it all worked out in the end.

On that note, I read this morning (on my favorite website: webmd.com..check it out!) that apples wake you up in the morning better than caffine! I believe it. I mean for breakfast everyday I eat yougurt and an apple with my green tea and I usually make it through the day just fine. Mind you, I don't handle caffine very well to begin with because I usually have no need for it. So, if your trying to kick the coffee habbit may I suggest an apple instead?

Apples are wonderful. Did you know that they are a cure for bad breath? Yup. There are many health benifits jam packed into that delecious little fruit! Apples may protect brain cells and prevent Alzheimer's disease. If you are looking to lower your cholesterol, people who eat two apples per day could lower it by as much as 16 percent. Eating apples lowers your risk of developing lung cancer, in some cases by as much as 50 percent! They also lower your risk of breast cancer, colon cancer and liver cancer. Yum apples.

All this talk of apples got me thinking about lunch today! Oh boy, we're having our Thanksgiving lunch at work. Turkey turkey turkey! I think I should have brought an apple for everyone for desert because we're all going to be asleep by 1:30 now :S It's allright tho, we are given an excuse to nap at work today. I think we should be given a half hour after lunch everyday for a power nap. I really do think that would make everyone more productive for the rest of the day. Think about it... It would give you the chance to unwind and regroup/refocus and your afternoon wouldn't seem so long because you have a fresh start. I know it would make me a whole lot more productive.

My productiveness ends with this word:
Stentorian:
Extremely loud.

Hey Mister DJ Can I Make A Request?

H1N1 ........again. Shut up already.

How paranoid do we get?! I just read yet another article on this stupid flu. Hey guys...it's the flu. Boy oh boy is it starting to annoy the fudge out of me. I understand the hype around people with babies and the pregos, but other than that... come on.

What set me off this morning is an artice I read about the 13 year old boy who died in Ontario. Okay, of coarse thats a horrible thing to hear. But they are starting to ban handshakes after the hockey games! LEAVE YOUR GLOVES ON! It's not a difficult concept. To me the post game handshake is important. It's when the game is over and you leave it all behind. If there is no post game handshake I'm pretty positive that stuff wont be left on the ice (or field, court..it's not just hockey that is doing this!). So if it's not left on the ice that means it's brought out after the game-fights. Leaving the arena mad leads to going home and worrying. Going home and worrying leads to loss of sleep, stress, poor performance at work/school. If everyone is walking around stressed out and not sleeping there are going to be A LOT of angry people. Imagine the murder rate if everyone is walking around horribly angry! I DON'T WANT TO DIE all because little Johnny couldn't shake some kids hand a week ago.

Sounds completely ridiculous right? Well so does all the fear of this stupid flu. ..And that's what really grinds my gears.

Here is something completely un-life changing.

So, I have the nips pierced. I used to be shy about saying it, but everyone has nipples so who cares what I do with mine. Anyways, I rolled over this morning and for the third day in a row I caught my hand on it and pulled. Ahhhoooouch. I got them done 10 weeks ago and they sure are taking they're sweet time healing. May I recommend not taking the route of "blinging" out your nipples unless you are prepared for some long drawn out anoying pain.
What an awkward word. Nipples. Nipples nipples nipples nipples.

Speaking of nipples! I went for supper at Lisa's last night. Yum. She has become a suprisingly good cook. Big change from back in the day when she used to make tomato soup for us and then think it was funny to wear it. (ahaha I guess that's more of an inside joke not meant for this situation but I'll leave it because she will read this and catch on). So after I left I went to Dollarama! What a great store! They have literally anything you'll ever need. You need a pitcher for juice - Dollarama. You need decorations for the holidays - Dollarama. You need food for your pets - Dollarama. You need a pregnancy test - Sucker, but guess what! Dollarama has them! What a fun place.

Want to increse your manhood?

Every morning when I go to delete my junk mail folder I notice a strange amout of e-mails offering to increse the size of my "manhood". Seeing as I don't have manhood, and I am completely happy with that, if your on the market for some larger junk just let me know and I will gladly pass your name along to Suzy Shlong or Dick Wang. Just be careful because they are very persistant! Like I said, I get them evvveryday and my name is Amanda...you'd think they would catch on..

Well I better get to work for a change. Someone mght catch on that I spend my time writing this crap as opposed to actually working. Hey guess what the word of the day is!
That's right!
Conflate:
1. To bring together; to fuse together; to join or meld
2. To combine (as two readings of a text) into one whole.

Nipple.

you went away.

I have found true love. Can’t get enough if him. And to top it all off, he has the voice of Fergie and Jesus. His name : Jason Aldean. *drool*

I know, your looking at this picture going "Wow. Most sexy man alive." You should probably just back off tho because I'm all over that. I take him to work, home, in the car, in the shower, pump up music before hockey games. You name it, he's there with me... on my ipod.

If you are looking at this going "who the eff is Jason Aldean?" Do yourself a favor and google him.

Coming back to reality now...

Good news! There were no mass deaths from the H1N1 shot! AND my Leafs won last night! I better go buy a lottery ticket. ..Nah if they make the playoffs, then I'll be buying myself a lotto ticket. But I am pretty excited for them to play Edmonton in December!! Woop woop. Watch for me, I'll be the only one in Rexall with a leafs jersey on :) I wonder if I can find a foam finger before then...

Something Completely Different...

What makes people do the things they do? About 2 weeks ago I was left wondering what I did to make someone ignore me like I never existed after a few months of wasted time. I would never, or could never do that to a person. Just disappear like you never knew them. Dick Move.

After a few days of trying to solve the mystery of the missing person I realized that someone like that is not worth my time because we only get so much time, you know? So I resorted to some very hurtful words in a very long e-mail. Which was followed by the lamest excuses from said missing person. To which I replied with another long and hurtful e-mail.

Heres the thing... I feel horrible for it! WHY should I be the one who feels horrible for saying what I think. I know that every mean thing I said was true to how I feel about this, yet all I can think about is how I'm going to steal the DeLorean and go back to the day I said those mean things and take them all back and instead of saying anything I will say nothing and carry on with life.

Too late. And I think I'm down a pretty good friend (minus the whole huge a-hole thing).

1, 2, 3, Peter, Paul and Mary...

I think that's a Brittany Spears song... Yikes! (I just like it because it rhymes.. But you have to pronounce Mary - Mar-eee so it rhymes with three.)

So here is the word of the day according to dictionary.com:
Punctilious: Strictly attentive to the details of form in action or conduct; precise; exact in the smallest particulars.
...Fun Right?

Yuck, I just looked outside. It looks like a very dull day. But it's raining so that's nice. Hmm it's October 27th and it's raining. I better not go there.

All About The Baby Steps..

I found this picture. Compliments of Google. But what a great picture. When I first saw it I thought it was a blob of light. Then I looked closer and got a dark feeling from it. But then you realize it's the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I was at this point right now. But I'm not close yet. I only see a little bit of light coming through. I guess a little light is better than no light! And as long as I keep on truckin' I'll get there eventually!

Most days I come home from work and make supper followed by watching some mind numbing television which leads me to the shower and then off to bed. I have hockey twice a week and make time for friends too of coarse. But I felt like I was waiting for my life to begin. This weekend I realized - This is my life. What am I waiting for? And why do I have to wait for anything?

I know what I want to do and what I need to do in order for these things to happen and I was waiting for the right time to do them. So I asked myself "Self, when do you suppose we are going to start doing these things?" to which I replied "Well Amanda, just as soon as you stop talking to yourself and get your sh*t together."

Shortly after this conversation with myself I realized how good I am at talking a great story - even to myself. I also realized that only crazies have conversations with themselves so my first step in getting my sh*t together should be to stop talking to myself. And if I do need to talk to myself, maybe I should tell myself things I need to hear as opposed to things that sound good to me and everyone around me.

So I've taken the first step!

Step 1) STOP TALKING TO MYSELF. Hense the blog :) I'll talk to you instead!

When I figure out what step 2 is going to be I will be sure to let you all know! Until then I plan on going home and making supper. After supper I will make a game plan which will have at least step 2 in it. Then I will probably turn the boob tube on and turn my brain off then have a shower and then go to bed.

It's all about the baby steps.

Hmm guess I better get creative...

What do you write in a blog?
...Anything you want I guess. I should probably try and sound interesting tho.. Yes, this is a conversation I am having with myself, but because it's a blog you can join me.

I love all the hype around the H1N1 vaccine. Todays front page story "This is the first day the much-debated H1N1 vaccine is being offered in Edmonton."
Tomorrows front page story "Millions drop dead after being vaccinated by the contriversal H1N1 vaccine." ....Doubtful.
Heres what you do if you are worried about that being tomorrows headline: No need for a vaccine. If someone beside you on the bus or in line looks iffy just take out your face mask and slap it on, then your set. Another option, you could set up shop in your basements until the flu scare is over. Or, you could always just wash your hands and stay healthy like you would do every other flu season and stop being a paranoid baby...

In other news (I've always wanted to say that):
WTF is up with my Leafs?! They seriously are unable to win ONE GAME? Maybe it's time for a new game plan? Heres an idea-whatever you were doing pre-season seemed to be working for you, maybe try that again?
It could be the fact that Tie Domi has resorted to figure skates... That was enough for me to give up hope in humanity but they don't need to give up hope too!
Tonight is the night, I can feel a win. Maybe if they get Domi out for a pre-game skate with the wonderful ladies of figure skating it'll get the crowd going! Uhhhhg.

I shouldn't be so critical of my Leafs. Our season isn't going so hot either. We are 3 and 0..or is it 0 and 3? Okay, how about this - we've lost all of our games so far too. Hmm actually that's not true! I think my co-ed team won a game at the beginning of the season.. Suck on that, Leafs (it's a love/hate relationship at the moment).

So I saw Paranormal Activity the other day. It was what it was. The idea of it is creepy but that's about it. It looks all good and real throughout the whole movie! ...Then they have a sweet ending except it's pretty fake and ruins the fact that your creeped out for the whole movie because it looked real.

Anywho, I'm going to post this now and see how it goes :)